Into the Flames Twila Goes
by Midnight Crew
Summary: They've been through My Immortal, are cutting there way through 'Mishon from God'. Now M.C and Spades tackle Twila, the girl who fell in love with a vampire. Or rather; twila da girl who was in love w/ a vampire. Another satire filled story with content that can be offensive, but must be taken with a grain of salt.
1. Chapter 1

**No monkeys were harmed in the making of this intro.**

**Also, a lot of the spelling errors from the story we are reviewing were fixed via Autocorrect, something that was not noticed until after we posted the chapter. so some of our jokes may or may not make sense with the words fixed. Just know this authors spelling is horrible.**

The theater, now somewhat familiar, had the lights dimming. When the room was finally dark, a music began to play much like that of an intro to some kind of game show. A spotlight moved and circled the room until arriving at the front of the room at the two reserved seats as the music reached it climax.

There was no one in the seats.

The spotlight turned off and the theater lights turned on, avidly searching for the two who were supposed to be there.

"M.C? Spades? Where are you guys?" Someone spoke over a loud speaker. There was a pause and then all Hell broke loose.

People began shouting over the loud speakers, the two weren't there, they were missing. This had never happened before.

"Send out the monkeys! Find M.C and Spades!" Someone yelled out over the loudspeakers, and, what would you know? A squad of monkeys in uniform actually ran out from a hidden door in the theater, leaving through the theater door.

Inside of another room, filled with screens showing the theater at all angles, several people were curled up in the fetal position, shaking and rocking. These terrified people were the producers, script writers, and basically the behind-the-scenes people.

"Oh God...why aren't they here? _Why aren't they here?_" a woman whimpered as she shook like crazy and curled into a tighter ball, "This is bad, this is bad!"

A man grabbed her and began shaking her, "Snap out of it, Debra! We can't panic! They probably just forgot!" He was being a hypocrite as he was in just as much of a panic as she was.

To prove it, he began crying and slamming his fists onto the ground, "We are going to get fired! This series is going to be canceled!" That got the rest of the crew to scream and cry. In truth, they were acting more like little kids then adults, but panic would do that to a person.

The doors opened and the crew fell silent as a lone figure entered, the familiar letters in blue etched on the front of him, his hair spiked, could it be? Their hopes began to lift as the figure stood there. But when he stepped forward, the feelings plummeted.

ROM, the robot version of M.C. stood there emotionless as ever, as he held several cups of coffee. Looking at the group of humans before walking past them and placing their coffee on the counter.

He turned around "What is going on?" he questioned.

There was hesitance now, the staff exchanging looks and biting their nails. The robot asked once again, no one wanted to answer but an intern stepped forward to answer.

"We...We can't find MC or Spades," He admitted.

There was a new silence as ROM examined them.

"False."

His response received confused looks, and he went on to elaborate; "M.C is never late, he is always on time or early. The possibility that he would be late is not available. Your calculations are all wrong." He didn't need to say anything about Spades, she was horrible at arriving on time.

Rom sat down, the chrome covering his body shinning as he stared at the screen, "Have you taken any measures of action to solve this problem?" He asked.

Debra once again answered the question.

"We sent the monkeys to retrieve them," she responded and ROM nodded.

"Then we wait," ROM told them as he adjusted the cameras, "The monkeys will do their job. They always do."

The group nodded slowly, he was right. When the monkeys were given an order, they wouldn't stop until it was completed. Even if it meant destroying a town.

The wait proved to be short, because no longer then ten minutes after that, the monkeys returned, carrying in M.C and Spades. Both of whom had confused expressions as they tried to keep their ice cream cones from falling.

"The hell is going on?" M.C demanded as the monkeys gently put him and Spades back on the ground, brushing off dirt from their clothes. They couldn't have the stars of the series looking anything less then decent. M.C glared up at the cameras.

ROM responded by turning on the microphones, "You were late for your Review session," the robot explained.

Spades and MC exchanged confused looks before Spades spoke up.

"But our Super Smash Bro's review isn't until tonight," she pointed out.

That got the staff to look around.

"Who was supposed to tell them?" Debra asked.

the Intern gave a sheepish smile, "I may...have forgot?" He suggested.

"Alejandro Julio Ricardo Gallard de la Cruz!" The staff yelled.

While they were yelling at him, a monkey handed them a stack of cards. The two looked through them before visibly going pale.

"You have to be kidding me! You can't expect us to do this!" M.C yelled.

But the staff ignored them, and the monkeys began leaving. Spades gave him a look silently telling him that yes, they _can _make them do that.

M.C gave up, sitting down and giving out a possibly rabid growl, as he shoved Spades his cards, telling her to do the introduction.

She smiled as she stood up, "Well then," she said, eager to introduce them for once. "For those of you who are familiar with who we are, we will be doing our Super Smash Bro's commentary still. We will just be splitting our time between these two. For those who don't know," she trailed off.

Pointing at M.C, she introduced him as the 'angry shorty' and then to herself as 'the star of the show'. With a laugh, she flipped through the cards.

"We will be reviewing, drum roll please, _Twila, da girl Who fell in luv w/a Vampire_." She declared.

M.C gagged at this, to show his opinion on the idea, and glared at the side.

"As though the SSB story wasn't bad enough," he muttered.

Spades threw the cards up in the air and leaned back in her chair, completely relaxed, "Come now, it won't be that bad," She assured him then looked around, "Wait...where did our ice cream go?"

"ROM confiscated them."

"Damn!"

The two crossed their arms over their chests while sitting down. Glaring up at the screen before them, ready to face the Twilight story for better or for worse.

* * *

Hi, my name is Twila Beautiful Psycho Topaz

**An oddly specific name. Who in their right mind names someone that?**

**Her parents nailed it on the 'Psycho' part, not so much on the 'Beautiful' part.**

(not Cullen, because I didn't meet Edward yet)

**Way to bring in a spoiler!**

**It's obvious that she and him would fall in love in chapter one anyways. Not much of a spoiler.**

, and I live in Washington with my sister, Midnight.

**At least that is a better name then 'Twila Beautiful Psycho Topaz'.**

We live in a dark house that is far away from everyone else,

**No one cares.**

and we are vampires.

**Does anyone care? Readers! Clap your hands if you care that they are vampires!**

We feast on blood,

**Obviously. Because you can't be like Marceline.**

**The Vampire Queen**

**She is _so_ out of your league.**

and no one else knows that we are vampires, not even our mom,

**Well yeah, because if they reveal she or they can be killed.**

which is why we moved away to be by ourselves.

**I hope you gave your mom a good excuse for moving or ran away. Because I'm sick of these stories where the kids just move and the parents don't give a shit.**

Yes, we are LONERS.

**And yet you're probably going to have a whole cult of 'friends' *Cough* lovers *cough* who love and adore you.**

**That sounds like Bella. **

**Bella is...probably going to be portrayed as a bitch, or a bigger bitch, in this.**

I go to a high school where everyone thinks that I am really hot.

**Of course, because in stories, the main character has to _always_ be god damn sexy and have everyone love them!**

**Spades, what was the character for the book you're writing like?**

**A loner, shy, kind of a little chubby, nail biter, and not good with makeup. But she's _really_ creative and nice and has a pleasant personality once you get to know her. Her two new friends who become her best friend later on, learn this as they spend time with her.**

I have straight, black hair and topaz eyes.

**A direct reference to the last name.**

My sister looks just like me, except her eyes are magenta.

**You are aware that magenta eye colors aren't possible, right?**

**And reviewers, feel free to correct her if she is wrong.**

**Hey! Correct him if he's wrong too!**

I wear a lot of black make-up on my eyes,

**The hell can you see if you got makeup covering your eyeballs**

even though I have dark circles under them.

**Um, girl, having circles under your eyes, while you may think is attractive in anime, is _not_ attractive in real life.**

(AN: Okay, if you think that's lame, then FUCK YOU.

**No, FUCK YOU!**

Edward and Stephanie Meyers have them too,

**Stephanie probably has them from lack of sleep, as that's what they're from.**

and Stephanie said that Edward was really hot, okay?)

**Hey! I can say that Spades is _really_ hot! Doesn't mean it's true!**

**Jackass.**

I don't like anyone at my school.

**Good news, no one at school likes you either.**

I am a misanthrop (AN: look it up)

**I don't know what misanthrop is, but I know what misanthrope is.**

**That means that you hate all of humankind and avoid human society. You do a pretty shitty job at that.**

**She's probably not a real misanthrope.**

which means that I hate other people, except for midnight.

**You can't be a misanthrope then. There can't be acceptations to it. **

**Her lie has been busted!**

One day, I met a really sexy vampire named Edward Cullen.

**Who again proved that you aren't a misanthrope. You're just a bitch.**

**An Alpha Bitch to be exact.**

He had really white skin, just like me.

**I hate to say this, but Edward is better than you. And that is saying something.**

He is Satan's gift to this planet.

**Spades, get in uniform. I can see where this is going.**

(AN: I don't believe in God, I am an Atheist.

**Good for you, do you know your reli-**

I think Satan created this universe.

**RAAAAAA**

***RAGE MODE ACTIVE!***

**THAT IS NOT ATHEISM! ATHEISM IS THE LACK OF RELIGION! THE DISBELIEF IN A GOD OR DEVIL! YOU ARE NOT ATHEIST! YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO BOTH ATHEISM AND SANTANISM- THE RELIGION THAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT- BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW WHAT EITHER ARE!**

God bless you, Satan, you are always in my heart.)

**F U! YOU DISGRACE! YOU CAN NOT BELIEVE HE EXISTS IF YOU ARE ATHIEST! **

Anyway, I met him in the school and he was with some fucking ugly ass bitch named Bella Swan.

**I don't like Bella, but what is with these authors and having to attack her like this?**

She was so stupid because she kept on falling out of her seat.

**Just shut up, please. Before you break the Rage Mode meter. M.C's already going to start foaming at the mouth if you keep this up.**

Edward looked at me like 'What the fuck is this girl doing?'

**EDWARD IS NOT LIKE THIS! **

. I smiled a sexy and adventurous smile at him, and he knew right away that I was a vampire.

**How? Because the level of stupidity she has? She must be over 9000 on the Stupidity meter.**

I could tell from his eyes, which were the same color as mine.

***Grounding teeth* Edwards. Eyes. Are. Gold. NOT TOPAZ YOU BITCH.**

**Look what you did. He's pissed. He's going to stay pissed for a while now.**

"Hey." He said, walking away from Bella.

**And he then snapped Twila's neck ending this story. We all know he would.**

There were some gay-ass, ghetto people in his way doing the Soulja Boy Crank Dat Dance,

**If they were doing the dance right, I would just stay and watch.**

so Edward stared at them with is deathly eyes and they all ran away.

**The fuck?**

I really hate cliques, and ghetto people think that they're cool.

**Isn't that what you think of yourself?**

I give them the middle finger in the hallways and it it's all like "Yeah, who's tough now?" Haha, right?

**Bitch.**

**Alpha Bitch.**

Anyway, Edward and I sat together at the lunch table. Bella and that poseur Jacob were staring at us.

**Since when did Jacob go to that school?**

**Never.**

Ed didn't pay any attention to her at all. He told me all about how he is a vampire, and that his father, Carlisle, and his mother, Esm e,

**She can't even spell his moms name.**

wanted to meet me,

**The hell would they want to meet him for? He just met her. **

and that his siblings Alice, Rosemarie, Jasper, and Emmett all loved me instantly.

**Ugh, this is making me sick.**

**Just more proof that she isn't misanthrope.**

So we skipped school early, and we went to this really big house in the woods. Jasper is really big and muscular so he knocked down all of the trees that were in the way.

**Like that wouldn't draw attention.**

**Or isn't incredibly stupid.**

When we got there, Carlisle came to the door immediately and gasped at how beautiful I was.

**Is she a Mary Sue?**

**Affirmative.**

**Ready the nukes.**

"You must be Twila. My, you certainly are attractive!" he teased, seductively.

**No! Carlisle! You have to remain the only sane one! You have to!**

**I'm sorry sir, but he has fallen victim to her spell.**

Ed, Jasper, Emmett, Allison, and Rosaline were all growling at him angrily.

**I didn't know that she was in the middle of a bunch of mutts.**

**More like a pack of bitches.**

They were all sensitive because they liked me as well. Besides, it wasn't fair, because he was already married.

**Has that stopped men before?**

**Unfortunately, no.**

"Yeah, that's me," I laughed, and I bowed (AN: They do this in Japan because it is polite.)

**Newsflash! This is AMERICA! Not Japan! Get your countries right!**

"Nice to meet you."

"So, I hear you are a vampire. Why don't you come to my house and we can talk all about it?"

**What? Is this a sort of therapy session? If so, she needs it, he needs it *Points at M.C* and I'm going to need it.**

I was so excited that I ran in quickly with my new friends following behind me.

**And Spades and M.C ran to the door, setting the house on fire.**

End of Chapter 1.

Please, guys, tell me if it's good.

**We would, but then we would be lying. And you know what they say happens to liars.**

* * *

"So," M.C said, popping his back and turning to Spades, "What have we learned from this chapter?"

Spades thought for a second before answering, "That Twilight fans like her are idiots. She doesn't know Edwards eye color. She hates Bella. Is a Mary Sue, everyone loves her and she's a terrible writer. But she can spell better than Tara."

He nodded, "Correct, and what else have we learned?"

When she remained silent, he answered, "That this story can be used as a commercial of what happens when you write while drunk and or high."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**One chapter down, God knows how many left.**

FLAMERS, BACK OFF!

**FLAMERS! PUSH FORWARD!**

OKAY? My English is fine,

**Uh, no, it's not.**

you don't have to be a bitch about it, you fucking homosexuals.

**Is there a reason why both stories are using being gay as an insult? Its no more insulting then yelling 'You fucking heterosexuals'.**

I told you not to read if you like Bella, because then you would be offended.

**There is a fine line between being offended, and just not taking bullshit. I HATE Bella but even I thought you were harsh.**

I read this book many times, I think I would know their names.

**Obviously not.**

Whatever you say, don't diss Tara Gillesbie, she is a fucking great writer!

**Oh shit, OH SHIT!**

**Captain! We have a problem! A Tara Follower!**

**Private, we are screwed.**

**ABANDON SHIP!**

OKAY, HERE IS CHAPTER 2:

**Here is another chapter of utter stupidity in the name of 'good writing' that makes me question the intelligence of the human race.**

When I walked into the house, Edward vanished and then reappeared at the piano (He's a vampire, he can do that).

**Vampires can move FAST, they can't teleport!**

He started to play "Famous Last Words" by My Chemical Romance.

**RED ALERT! RED ALERT! The Ham Levels have reached Rib levels! If we don't finish this soon we're going to have Tongue!**

I started to sing with my beautiful voice:

**Wait, _that's_ what that noise was?! I thought there was a dying monster right outside the door!**

"Well I know that I can make you stay, well then where is your heart? Where is your heart?" Everyone gasped.

Though they were vampires, they did not have a voice like mine.

**No one has a voice like yours. THEY are probably decent singers. YOU on the other hand are tone deaf.**

Suddenly, out of nowhere, they jumped on top of me and tried to take off my clothes.

**The fuck!? When did the Cullens turn into sex crazy monsters?!**

**...When they became actual vampires?**

**Not _all_ vampires are sex crazed freaks.**

"What are you doing?" I screamed. Their eyes were red; they had turned into SAVAGES.

**Savages!**

**Savages!**

**Demons!**

**Devils!**

**Kill them!**

Then, they stopped in bewilderment. "I'm sorry, Twila," said Edward, putting my clothes back on,

**Why are you putting her clothes on? Give them to her! There her clothes not yours!**

"sometimes when we see someone, we can't resist, and we turn into beasts.

**Isn't that werewolves.**

It won't happen again." "It's okay, a lot of people are attracted to me."

**Yet you hate them all. She is a true Mary Sue. Just need to find what type.**

**I'm working on it *On laptop* So far she's a Gothy Sue and an Angsty Sue. I'm looking for which type the 'everyone loves her' falls under.**

**I think everyone is planning her death.**

I explained, and they all understood.

**The group had come to a silent agreement. They will kill her tonight.**

"It must be your blood," said Carlisle, horrified,

**Don't tell me her blood is magic!**

"Beauty, you have the rarest and most exotic blood in the whole world.

**Oh fuck me!**

Every vampire will want to drink it. It's much better than that other girl's, what is her name again?"

**Who cares!**

"That bitch's name is Bella." growled Japser.

**Why would he hate her? Jasper is like the one character that's always calm!**

Midnight hugged him

**WHERE THE HELL DID SHE COME FROM?**

so he wouldn't become too angry that he would appear in Bella's house and strangle her with one touch of his finger, because he is really strong like the Hulk.

**He's not that strong. You can't strangle someone with a finger.**

"Twila, I want you to marry me." Alice screamed because she was a plebian.

**The hell is a Plebian?**

**Your sexually attracted to plants?**

**Can't be. She and Jasper were a pair.**

**But as you can tell by Midnights random appearance, he's going to hook up with her.**

Edward protectively roared at her, furiously. Suddenly, he transformed! "

**Into what?! The Twilight Vampires couldn't transform!**

Oh my fucking God, no!" I shouted. I didn't want anyone to get hurt. Ed's shirt burst open, showing his muscles.

**Oh my fucking God, yes! Kill them! KILL THEM ALL!**

His topaz eyes

**His GOLD eyes!**

turned pure black,

**So he's hungry? The books say they turn black when hungry.**

and with strength and energy, he jumped at Alice. "Twila is marrying me already!"

**You aren't even dating!**

he boomed, so loud that all the windows exploded and all the glass rained down like in Avril Lavigne's music video where she punches the mirror and the glass flies out around her.

**You don't need to explain it. **

He started to fight with Alice to the death over...me.

**Why are they fighting over her? She's not worth it.**

Then, I compromised, "Guys, guys, guess what? Sorry that I'm not a lesbian!"

**That's not a compromise you idiot.**

Alice started to cry tears of blood. "Why are her tears blood?" I asked, curiously.

**You're a vampire! You should know why!**

"Oh no, this is bad." said Emmett, who had been in the bathroom the whole time.

**You didn't need to add that.**

"We cry blood because they are from our previous victims whom we had bit before.

**Which she should know, because she's a vampire. **

Alice is losing blood and will be thirsty again, so RUN!" Alice trying to jump on me and tear my flesh, but I moved out of the way.

**She's a vampire, so she should have the speed and strength of them shouldn't they.**

She attacked Rosemarie instead, who was pretty, but not as pretty as me.

**Way to be arrogant.**

Rosemarie's throat flew open and blood poured out everywhere. Alice drank it.

**Ew.**

"Oh my Satan!" I said, heartbroken. I caused so much trouble.

**Yes, you have. Get lose before you make things worse.**

"It's okay, babe." Edward laughed,

**At least he isn't speaking old English.**

and then kissed me for the very first time! (He turned from black Ed to white Ed, like Hotsanharu from Fruity Basket, and he calmed down).

**Lame.**

"She's just a vampire, she'll come back to life." So they seeded (?)

**Vampire's don't come back to life. **

Alison, and she fell asleep. Rose came back to life. We had Burger King for dinner because I was in a hurry.

**You guys don't need to eat human food.**

I went home thinking of Edward the whole time, and how his flaming hot lips felt on mine. His body was so warm, I couldn't wait to see him again.

**I can't wait to get away from him.**

End of chapter 2.


	3. Chapter 3

**So, we're curious now. And Spades' raging paranoia-**

**You're the paranoid one, not me.**

**Okay, general paranoia from one of us, makes us ask. Is anyone even reading this? You guys told us to write this, it would make sense if people are reading it right? I mean the vote to decide which Twilight Story, this or Forbidden Fruit, would be reviewed next. This was a unanimous win. Everyone voted for Twila.**

**Just review. **

**Oh, we also because we've actually been asked what M.C stands for, we got a poll so you can vote on your theory of what those letters stand for. **

* * *

OK PPL HU REVIEW 2 SAY SHIT ABOUT MI STORI CAN GO FUKK DEMSELFS.

**Well, you're going to come across flames. Telling and yelling at them and saying they should go fuck themselves isn't going to solve anything.**

my stori is beleiveble u just hav 2 keep readin n u can c y

**How far do we have to go? **

**A Book needs to be believable right from the start or no one will keep reading.**

**But she's writing about sparkling vampires. Come on.**

!1 but to ppl hu gav me good reveiws, THANX U GUYZ ROKK 333 LUV U

**Love: Denied.**

CHAPTER 3

"Hey betch wat r u doin home." midnite asked.

**Yes, because the nicest greeting you can give to a sister is 'hey bitch, what are you doing home'.**

"u hav 2 promise not 2 say nething..." i sed nervly

**She killed Edward between Chapters 2 and 3.**

n midnite laffed n sed "hu wuld i say somthing 2, we r loners remeber?"

**You're a absolutely right, Midnite.**

**Now, go back to playing with your crayons and toys.**

"o yea" i sed and told her evrythin dat hapened. she gosped wen i told her abot edword kissing me. "SO WATE" she scremed "R U GUYZ IN LUV NOW OR WHUT?"

**No need to scream. I think my ears are bleeding.**

"ya were goin 2 homecuming 2getha."

**When did that happen? Twila! You shouldn't lie, especially to your sister!**

i showd her my blakk dress wif lace n leather n my spiky black shoez. "edword sed he liks dese."

**You seem like the type of person who would rip someone's eyes out rather than let them pick out your clothes.**

we laffed happy 2gether n danced arond da house. we were so happi 4 me.

**You're supposed to be 'Goff' right?**

i sang tenagerz by mcr. den. ... DA DOOR NOCKED!

**Cue dramatic music!**

"TWIL WERE R U. sum1 asked frum outside. i went 2 da door n it was alison.

**That's the fourth or third time her name was misspelt. How does she do it?**

i scremed. IF U FUKKING TRI 2 SUKK MI BLOOD AGEN ILL GET ED i told her.

**Twila and Midnite are def' related. Neither of them can open a door properly or politely. **

she bast in2 tearz. midnite quikly jumoed up 2 defend me but i told her to go awey bcuz i culd handle alis.

**Seriously! Alice is FIVE LETTERS! How many times can you misspell it!?**

"ok y did u cum here."

**Pfft! Okay sorry but...heheheh...oh God! That's just perfect!**

i sed. alisenz blody tears dint scare me. i new she had enuf blood 2 last cuz of wen she attaked alison.

**So Alice attacked Alice. Makes no sense.**

**No! Alisenz attacked Alison. They are both clones of Alice. That's why she is not in character or why she's just so fucked up.**

**...Sure.**

"i felt sooo bad 4 tring to drink ur blood" she histericly cry. "i wnted 2 alopogize wif a present."

**Gonna take a lot more then a present to make me forgive you if I was in Twila's shoes. But if I were in Twila's shoes, I wouldn't deserve a present. **

"All i wnat in dis world is edword, n i hav him so noting u can giv me matterz." i shucffed at her. But den ... she held up 2 TIKKETS 2 A MCR CONSERT!

**And Edward no longer matters.**

"OMFGGGGG!111" i was static.

**I would hate it if someone said 'omg' or 'lol' in real life honestly.**

i grabed dem from her n gave 1 2 midnite. "actully" alison wimpered "1 was suposed 2 be 4 me. so we cold go 2getha"

"But i wanted 2 go wif ed" i shoted.

**Midnite must feel so used.**

**She's a static character. She doesn't feel things like emotions.**

i imagned his beutiful face wif his blakk eyliner n blakk lipstik. n his smexi bodi.

**Excuse me while I cringe.**

OK alison sed. "we can jus tak mi hole family. esmet realli luvs mcr 2"

**It's a My Immortal spinoff, what do you expect?**

so we went to da consert n ed n i had innercoarse on da way. evry1 tought we wer so cute.

**I'm sure Carlisle thought it was cute. **

**Moving through this relationship a little too fast aren't you?**

"THIS NITE WALK DA DEAD" scremed gerad way. den... EVENIEZENCE KAME ON!

**Whothewhat came on?**

dey sand a duet wif mcr. den dey sang sum more stuff.

**Did they swallow swords? Juggle chainsaws? What's this 'stuff'?**

emet had an ejaxclamation in da audience

***Snickers***

**Get your mind out of the gutter.**

n sudenly HE TURNED IN2 A BAT. "OH SHITTTTT NOOOO"

**"Oh shit, ****_son."_**

EDWard sighed. "dis is bad too twola, dis is realli bad." all dis bad stuf kept hapening wile i was wif dem.

**Because you just fuck everything up by existing.**

vampirs turn int2 batz wen dey r realli exited

**But Edward seems fine. No batty goodness from him.**

***Snickers***

n evry1 wuld no his secret but no1 cared cuz dey wer all gothz.

**Doesn't mean that the Vampire Kings (What are they called?) wont punish them.**

gerad lookd at him from da stage n he jumpd down thru da crowd n came over 2 us.

**Nope.**

"He bat." he sed in his fukking killer voce. i CREAMED so loud

**Pfft! *Snickers***

**Ah! No, I'm dying of laughing here! hahaha!**

bcuz i luvvv gerad wif all my lyfe.

**Wow, Edward must feel like Canned Liver right now.**

his makueup waz runing bcuz he waz cring cuz dey sang helen (a/n dat song is abot his grandpa hu dyed RIP GERARDS GRANPA)

**I'm pretty sure that song was about his grandma, hence it being called Helena.**

but he glarced at emset n tuched his wings n he turned bak.

**I know where this is going.**

gerad went home wif da cullenz bcuz he nd emet becam dey fell in luv

**Does Artistic License cover turning real live people gay in fiction?**

**Don't know, but that was over quickly. Edward got worked up quite a bit over something small *Cough* stupid *cough*. Anyone want to bet he has issues?**

i was sooo jealous

**Why?**

but ed got angy n i told him i luv him so it waz ok.

**He must have forgotten how loud you creamed your pants. Heh.**

***Grins***

**Oh God...I'm becoming a male Spades. Thank you, now my mind is in the gutter too.**

WE ALL WENT HOM N I GOT GERARDS AUTOGRAF.

**And all was well in the Candy Kingdom!**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTE 3XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

PLZ GUYZ GIV ME MOR REVEIWS I FINK DIS WAZ A REALLI GUD CHAPTER

**Of course you think it was a good chapter. Your the author.**

**We the readers knew it was horrible though.**


	4. Chapter 4

OK PPL I AM NOT A TROL! I AM A VAMPIR

**Point:**

**Missed.**

OK GET IT STRAIT THANX FOR DA PPL HU GAVE ME GUD REVEIWS U GUIZ ROKK

**Are all these good reviews the ones you posted for yourself?**

CHAPTER 4

I was walking down da halway in skewl wen i saw Ed wif... bella! she waz askin him sumfing n cring all over da place.

**Don't blame her for crying, because hello, Edward is with a Mary Sue.**

"Wat is goin on" i snared n edword hugged me n sed "Its ok i waz tring 2 ignore her butt

**Okay Edward. We get it, Bella has a very attractive butt that's hard to ignore. But it's not something you should tell your Girlfriend.**

**Unless you want to be slapped.**

she wnt go away."

"Plz plz edmard" she cryed. "I realli want 2 go to homecumin wid u. i go evry year wif no date n now im in luv wif u nd i want u to b mi date."

**Doesn't Bella _hate _dances?**

STFU edward sed. "Cant u see dat i alredi hav a date. Dis is my gf TWILA."

**Satanist, horrible speller and doesn't know grammar, and Queen of all things 'Goffik' and Mary Sue Supreme.**

"Yea u better bakk off." i told her. "odderwize

**Look Twila, I know this is a badfic and all, but you need to cease making up words.**

thingz mite get messi." She ran away screming.

**I would too, Bella, I would too.**

"So hav u cn Esmet?' i assed him. "He waznt in homroom 2dai" "Yea ummm Tqila,

**Is she an alcoholic beverage now?**

he transforrmed out of da skewl so he culd go on tourz wif Gerad."

**I wish I could dropout and go on tour with a band I like.**

"But hes a vampir1" i was socked at dis. "Yea but ur a vampiir 2." ed sed. "o yea." i sed.

**HOW do you forget your a bloodsucking fiend of the night!?**

(a/n I DINT FORGET I WAZ WATING 4 DA RITE TIME TO BRING IT UP AGEN.)

_**Sure.**_

so we both turned in2 batz n flew 2 class (no1 noticed).

**If there is a bee in the school hall, _everyone _notices.**

**But no one notices two _bats_?**

When skewl ended i went in2 my car and drove hom. Wen I got der my sister was geting maried.

**When did this happen?**

"OMSG R U GETING MARIED 2 JAZER."

**She dumped Jasper and ten minutes later was engaged to Jazer.**

i culd not beleve it. 'yea' she smeled. "I luv him n he iz goin 2 live wif us now."

**Cool. Is she pregnant?**

I storted 2 cry becuz ed n i wernt maried yet.

**Come on!**

Midnite trid to hug me but i shot her away, bcuz her lif waz so much betta dan mine. "Im alredi 16 n im not marred yet." tears swam down mi beatiful face.

**One: your not beautiful. Two: How do tears swim?**

**Twila! Your only sixteen! You don't need to get married yet! Don't throw your life away like that?**

Suddenly... dey al shoted "SURPISEE!1" Midnite n Jasper wernt getting married... IT WAZ 4 ME AND ED! (a/n dey got mared da next day insted).

**Oh, you couldn't just be happy for your sister, could you?!**

"NO WAY I was sooo inflated.

**Pfft!**

Edward and me had an atheest ceremoni in my hose. So we were huband and wives.

**How many wives are their?**

Midnite, Jazper, Esmie, Emet, Gerad, Rose, were all dere... but so waz... ALLICE!

**ITS FIVE LETTERS!**

"I hope ur not mad dat me n ur brother r married." i sed to her gothikally after da wedding. "I told u that i dunt lik u that way, im not lezz."

**Way to let her down easy.**

"Sigh" she knew.

**Huh?**

So we all went 2 a party n had lots of blood. Then we went bak to mi house. Some1 rang the bell n i answered it, making out wif Edword.

**Guys! Just cut it out! Its disgusting! PDA! PDA!**

"Y DID U MARRI HIM YOU IGNORANIUS."

**I would be at the point of making up words too if someone was making out with someone when they answered the door.**

shoted da guy at da door. It was Bibby Brown.

**..Spades?**

***Fallen on the ground laughing***

He ran in on his weelchaire n Jacob flowed him.

**Was he standing on his wheelchair with Jacob pushing it?**

"Dont u dare tuch Twia." snotted Ed. Every1 came 2 c what waz happening. "Why wold I toch her, shes hieneous" he glarred at me.

**Heineous: Hideous + Heinous.**

"THATS IT NOW I HAV 2 KILL U." boomed mi busband.

**Over reactive much**

He turned in2 a savage lik da time i went to his house.

**A little more explanation please. I'm sure you go to his house every other hour.**

I told him 2 stop becuz i needed to talk to Bolly n Jakob. he stoped.

**What happened to Bibby and Jacob?**

**They had to be let go. Budget.**

"Ok y dont u want us 2 be together y is our love so bad 4 u" i cried. "Itz because... I CANT SAY IT." sed da guy in da wheelcher.

**Which guy? Bibby? Bolly?**

"JUST SPIC IT OUT." every1 sed. he began to cry histerical. "Mebe dis song will help u undersand." he started 2 sing in his crampy old voice

**Oh god. When did this turn into Glee?**

"WELL I MIS U. I MISS U SO FAR. N DA COMMISION OF UR KISS, DAT MADE IT SO HARD."

Well gerald was FORIOUS becuz dat was his song n he started 2 attak him bcuz of copiright refrigement. (a/n I DNT OWN THE LYRCS TO DA SONG EITHER).

**Fear Gerald! Sing his song and he will kill you!**

Ther was a big fite n i storted to cry "Oh no, ur in luv with me arnt u." And Bobby Ran away from gerad n sed YES. Edword killed him.

**...This is fucked up.**

**Extremely fucked up.**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAOTER 4XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Chapter four is over. Thank God!**

**...Ten chapters left.**

**Oh God!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five. Is anyone even reading this? Because we're willing to drop this project. Anyways check out Spades' solo story review. Starkit's Prophecy. **

IF U R LEVING ME LONG AZZ REVEIWS ON Y I RUNED UR LIFE DEN SORRI GET DA FUKK OVA IT.

**People aren't going to just 'get over it' if you ruin their lives.**

i am gong 2 keep makin chaptas n if u report me den ur a lozer, ill just make a new accont.

**At least she's persistent. **

NEWAYZ FANX 2 DA PPL HU GAVE ME GOOD REVEIWS AGEN U GUYZ KEEP ME GOING. PLZ ENJOY CHAPTA 5.

**We won't.**

CHAPTER 5

We didnt no whut 2 do wif all da blood from bobby brown so every1 just drank it off da floor.

**Well that's not sanitary. **

We had weding gamez n shit

**Ew, you guys were playing with shit? Just ew.**

and jacob left cuz he waz angri at us 4 some resason.

**You killed his dad, what do you expect?**

We playd spin da bottle n GErard had 2 kiss ed. (a/n lol bi guyz r sooo hot)

**Okay?**

**MC! Turn Bi and you can be hot.**

**...*Hits Spades on the back of the head***

i waznt jelous cuz dey r both guyz.

**So? Edward could be gay. Fans like to think that.**

But Emetr was deprezzed becuz Gerord is his bf. We listened 2 Green day and he got cheered up.

**I wouldn't pick Green Day to cheer someone up. Spades, give me a list.**

**Glee. Alex Day; Forever Yours. Disney, Fall Out Boy, Goldfinger, H-BlockX, Finger Eleven, and so on.**

I was gong 2 sleep dat nite when i got posesesd by Saten. But it was ok cuz were friendz n he just doez dat sometimes as a joke.

**Satan: Twila! I'm hear to steal your soul and drag you down to Hell for eternal punishment.**

**Twila: Oh Satan you're so funny!**

**Satan: ...**

I asked him wat he wanted n he told me 2 kill Rosemarie.

**How hard is it to remember the characters names? Is Edward the only name you can ever remember?**

"What y?" I new dat Ed would be angey if i killed his sister.

**He didn't seem to have any problem earlier.**

"Becoz she is a blond prepp" sed satan suicidelly.

**Is he stabbing himself when he says this?**

**I know I would.**

So I went 2 der house in da dark n i knew wich was rosalyns room becuz da door was pink with pompomz hanging from it n a poster of Holary Duff. I broke down da door but inside waz... EDWIRD!

**Wait so the door that has pink pompoms and a Hilary Duff poster is Edwards room?**

**I'm not surprised.**

"WTF IS GOING ON U ASSHOLE" i scremed "DIS IS UR ROOM?" "NO LET ME FUKKING EXPLAN" he began to cry. Den i saw... ROSA WAS ON TOP OF HIM!

**Why can't she spell the name right? Just once!**

"EW WTF U BUSTARD DATS UR SISTER!1" i exploded. I transofmed n began to tear da room apart n ripped all da preppy posters down.

**I would do more than just rip the posters down if my boyfriend was caught fucking his sister.**

I jumped at Rosalien n bit her neck nd she started having a sezure. Then she ran around nd died.

**News flash: You can't run around if you're having a seizure.**

Ed kept crying.

"Dis is disgusting" i said wif disgust.

**Department of Redundancy Department is Redundant **

"I cant beleve it, u nd Rose." "Just listen ok" he pleased. "I culdnt c in da dark, I thought she was you."

**Suuure.**

"Yea rite like I beleve dat. We're getting a devorce!" I waz so pissed. But den Edward got on his knes n sang "If u mary me, will u bury me, will u carry me 2 da end?"

**Grab a shovel, MC, we got a vampire to bury.**

**Finally.**

Nd I remembad da promise we had mad ova dat song when we got marred. We sed we wuld alwayz b der 4 each odder.

**When was this promise made?**

"Ok fine dis is ur last chance bittch." I ran out of da room nd saw Carlose in da hall. "Hey babez" he laffed.

**What is with Carlose? Where the hell did Carlisle go?**

**He ran when he heard he had to be in this story.**

"Im so much betta dan edward, y dont u come upsters wif me?" But I just ran away sadly becuz every1 wanted sumfing from me.

**At least people want you. Learn to be grateful, bitch.**

The next day was a bad tim becuz it was akward betwn me nd Ed. Nd plus Midnite was in da hospital from slitting her rists, becuz Jazper had called her a slutt.

**Jasper and Jazer created the Team Jazper and called her out on being a slut.**

He waz getting realli moody all da time nd he acted jelous around me nd Ed all da time. I asked him abot it in skewl

"Hey y da fukk did u mak my sister slit her rists." I roared.

**Because she was a background character. **

He sighed wif deprezzion nd sed "Im just not in luv wif her anymore, after u killed alic I saw ur true strength."

**You killed my soulmate. Prepare to die.**

"What r u saying?" I dint undestand. "Im saying dat i would rather b with u dan her. So I was hopping dat she wuld kill herself nd we wuld b devorced."

**Why not just star an affair. We all know that Twila will anyways.**

"Omg i wuld neva b wif u in a million years, ur a terrible person..." i sed wif tears of blood pooping down my pale face.

**Her face is an ass. Sounds legit.**

**And disgusting. **

**Edward is literally ass kissing when he makes out wit her.**

I waz wearing violet fishnetz wif safety pins in dem and a red corset wif a blakk vest over it n a pentagram n lots of safety pins nd tight blakk jeanz.

**Random clothing description**

**is random.**

Mikael, Jabob, Bella, n Jessa all gatered around us. Jasp waz so embarassed. A lot of da teachers came over n stared at me.

**I know, I know. We'll get her back to the circus soon, we just need a taser and several sedatives.**

"Twila plz report 2 da principles office." The teachers sed strangly.

**Does that mean the teacher is possessed?**

So i followed dem nd da princple was der and he sed to me "Im sorri but we r going 2 hav 2 tranfer u to a diff skewl."

**Yay! You're safe Forks highschool!**

"OMFG NO." sed loudly. "I CANT DIS IS WER EDWARD GOZ 2 SCHOL."

**Stalker, major stalker.**

"Yes," they admited uncomfortly. "But ur causing a realli bad diserbance in da school. U c der is somthing... odd abot u.

**She is a vampire.**

**She turned into a bat. How did you not notice that?**

Nd no1 feelz comfortble wif u here so u hav 2 go 2 dat other school in Waschington, calld Mount Saint Prepz Acadamy. "

**Obvious preps school.**

I culdnt beleve it. I waz nevr gong 2 see ed agen if i went dere.

**Your still in the same town...state...**

I jumpd out da window n ran home n took out a nife and cut miself.

**Is she going to die?**

**Hopefully.**

Der waz blood all ova da floor nd i fell down and started 2 die.

XXXXX 2 BE CONTINUED XXXXXXX

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPER 5XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

OK GUYZ SORRI FOR DA CLIPHANGER.

**You call that a cliffhanger?**

I WILL UPDATE SOON. REVIEWS THANX

**FLAMES! **

**Flamers get ready!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the late update**

**We kind of got ourselves in more then we can handle. Reviewing three stories, doing school work, jobs, etc. We kind of are getting more done when we did our separate reviews.**

**We progress better separately, the fact that her Warriors Review, Starkits Prophecy is done already, forty some chapters. And my Homestuck review is done.**

**That one was only two chapters.**

**The author gave up while she was ahead. Made me happy.**

**Anyways. We haven't been able to find a link to the full 14 chapters. We've only been able to find the first 7. We will fin the other half or die trying!**

AN: Okay you know what, preps? I'm going to write my story better

**If only.**

so you guys can stop complaining about 'chatspeak'.

**We have more things to complain about it.**

SO NOW YOU WILL HAVE NOTHING TO FLAME ABOUT HAHA!

**We will always have something to flame about. **

By the way, stop telling me to use spellcheck, because I'm using notepad and it doesn't have it, okay?

**This site has spellcheck, there is something called a dictionary. **

Midnight, thanks for the good reviews, and everyone else who gave me good reviews, you guys rock! Ta-ta, Gillesbie! I love you! Preps stop flaming! Goths rock 666.

**How about-**

**413! 413!**

Chapter 6

xxxContinued from the last chapterxxx

When I woke up, Edward was over me.

**Vampire Blanket.**

"Twila. TWILA!" He screwed into my ear. "You're going to be okay."

**Nooooo!**

My long, straight hair was all around me. I was lying on the floor. I was wearing a black strap shirt with a matching sweatshirt over it, and a black jean skirt over it with MCR pins on it. I had ripped fishnets, and black spiky highheels.

**What is with all the clothing descriptions?!**

There were bandages all over my arms and body where I cut myself. You could see the blood coming through.

**Sadly you wont bleed to death.**

"Just fuck off, okay?" I said with a sad smile; I started to cry. He tried to comfort me. His bronze hair was all spiky with purple steaks in it, and he had white foundation on his sexy face.

**When did he dye his hair purple?**

There were tears running down his topaz eyes. "No, please tell me why you did this." He shooted.

** I did it for the vine.**

"I don't want to effing talk about it, okay? Can you just back the fuck off?" I was so depressed. I got up from the floor and tried to run out the door, but Edward stopped me. "WAIT!" he whimpered.

**"Your bleeding! You're in shock!"**

**"And you need to be in a mental hospital."**

"There is someone waiting for you out there, it's not safe." His voice got all low and hot like a male version of Amy Lee in the beginning of Going Under.

**...**

**That sounds...attractive?...I think?**

"But I really need to talk to you!" I begged pleasingly.

**But you just said you don't want to talk about it.**

**Make up your mind!**

"Listen, I can't stay in this school anymore!"

"We can talk later! Watch out, she's about to break down the door!"

**She?**

**...Who?**

Suddenly, I turned around and the door smashed down. It was...BUFFI THE VAMPIRE SLAYER?

**Buffy?!**

**Aw yeah! Time for some sparkly ass kicking!**

(AN: thanks for the suggestion! 666 xxx)

***Gags***

"Ahahaha, don't even bother," she said meanly, "you can't escape from me Twila Beautiful Psycho Topaz Sad'ness Cullen."

**No one can escape Buffy~**

**Go Buffy! Go Buffy! Go you cheerleading vampire slayer! Kick some ass!**

But, I was angry to even see her. "You know what, Edward? You never pay attention to me.

**He patched you up.**

**He tried to tell you not to go out the door because there was a vampire hunter outside, and you're a vampire.**

**How is that not paying attention to her?**

Why don't you just go to Emmett, so you can guys can screw, because obviously, you don't care about me."

**She is selfish!**

**Besides! Emmett has a girlfriend! Her name is Rosalie Hale!**

"No, please," he got down on his knees, with dark tears of sorrow, "give me another chance."

**Dump her, you idiot.**

**You were better with Bella.**

"Do you remember what I said that night?" He looked at me all confused and sad, and Buffie started to take out her sword.

**Perfect opportunity to kill them Buffy! HURRY IT UP!**

"I said, one more chance, and I meant it! Now you can just get the fuck out of my life because you only hurt me!"

**You've hurt him more.**

I took of the pentagram that he gave me, and just before I was about to throw it out the window, he ran over, hugged me, and sang "Crucifixion in Space" by Marlin Manson. That song was so touching, that I had to forgive him.

**Man, she is the easiest girl to manipulate. Sing a song she likes and she becomes your thrall.**

"Excuse me, where were we?" laughed Buffie the Vampire Slayer, who was looking at us.

**About to kill them, then go back to kissing Spike and or Angel.**

"Look, if you don't get out of here, I am going to post these pictures of you screwing Angell on the Internet!" I shooted. She got scared, because she didn't want to end up like that prep, Paris Hilton.

**I doubt you'll become like Paris Hilton. Seriously, the entire world doesn't know her.**

A lot of other stuff happened, and then Edward went home.

**Just like that? Come on Buffy!**

We were still married. I didn't get to talk about him about transferring. I went home and listened to Panic At The Disco, and put on a black nightgown and hung my pet hare on a skull clip

**You hung your pet!?**

**GET PETA ON HER ASS! **

. I went to the bathtub, and saw...Edward?

"How did you get in here?" I asked, angry and shocked.

"I transported in. I have telekinesis." (AN: like Volxemort from My Immortal lol)

**...That isn't telekinesis...and Ed doesn't have that.**

We took off our cloths, and you guys can guess what we did. (Yeah, you pervs, get your minds out of the glutter).

**That's you and Spades.**

**Hey! It's not my fault so many of the stories we review has people misspelt come as cum! It's hilarious! **

The next morning I woke up and I couldn't believe it!

**This series is being canceled! You just found out didn't you?**

"Oh my fucking God, wake up right now!" I screamed. he drove over to my house to see what was wrong.

**Is this he Edward? It doesn't say. For all we know its Carlose. But apparently he heard her scream from his own house.**

"I'm pregnant!" I was crying.

**And you know this how?**

I started to cut my wrists over the bandages with a razor. Just then, the phone rang. It was the principal saying: "Twila you're going to be late for your first day and Mt. St. Preps Academy."

**Oh this day is off to a bad start. **

**I'm not surprised she's preggers.**

"That's it, this couldn't be any worse!" I flew into my bed and kept crying. My pillow turned red and black with makeup and blood.

**Stains. Great. **

"YOU'RE GOING TO MT. ST. PREPS ACADEMY?" Edward yelled.

"I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU THAT LAST NIGHT YOU IDIOTIC AIDS!"

**Edwards has AIDs?! **

**Shit, didn't see that coming.**

I couldn't take it. My life was absolutely terrible. I had nothing to live for. Edward tried to calm down and hug me, but I punched him away.

"Please, it'll be okay." he promised. I didn't believe him. I just wanted to watch The Ring,

**I hate that movie.**

and overdose with aspirin and pot. I started to sing How Could This Happen To Me by Simple Plan.

**This. Is. Not. Glee.**

Ed weeped and weeped. (AN: if you don't love sensitive guys, then fuck off!)

**That's not sensitive! That's a pussy!**

I fell asleep, having nighmares about preps and babies.

**I can understand the baby part. Enfant Trrible. Lilkit is proof. So is Moonkit.**

xxxEnd of Chapter 5xxx

Lol, I bet you didn't expect that. Well, you will have to wait and see what happens.

**...**

**Welp. Now we got to work on the next chapter of...Mission from...God...*Shudders***

**Fuck!**


	7. Chapter 7

There were balloons strewn everywhere in the theater, confetti was covering almost every surface. On the stage was a cart with several snacks, drinks and a large cake that said 'Half-Way There!' Yes, it was that time, M.C and Spades had reached Chapter Seven of Twila, they were half way done with their story. As a reward, the producers were throwing them a party.

ROM, from Chapter 1, stood in the center, looking at everything and triple checking that everything was in place for the party.

"We have reached Chapter Seven, the two are half way done with this story," he informed a monkey that had walked up next to him, holding a clipboard, "So everything has to be perfect."

As ROM walked away, the monkey mumbled something that would translate into something complaining about ROM being a perfectionist before he went to join the other monkeys adjusting the balloons and banner. The banner they were hanging said the same thing as the cake did, 'half way there'.

The pack of monkeys stopped when Debra ran into the room, out of breath.

"They...They're on their way!" She yelled to them. Several screeches were heard as the monkeys quickly finished and leapt into hiding places.

ROM pulled Debra into a hiding place next to him as they crouched and ROM turned the lights off with the controls installed into him. Everyone fell quiet.

"Come on M.C!" Spades said as they walked in, "It's just a game, no need to get all grouchy-grouchy about it."

M.C shot a glare towards his taller friend, "Just a game? _Just a game? _Three games, Spades! _THREE GAMES!_ And now he's dead! Commander Kadax Shepard is dead!" He threw his hands towards his head, clutching his hair. Yep, he had just finished playing Mass Effect 3 and was less than pleased at the ending.

Spades laughed as she searched for the light switch, "Just start over, M.C, go back to the first game, see if your new actions change anything, and quit overreacting" it was the only advice she could give him.

He just glared at her, "I'm overreacting? What about you when you had to choose between the Mage's and Templars at the end of Dragon Age 2? And when you chose the Templars and the Knight-Commander betrayed you and you lost Anders?"

Spades froze and looked at him, "...we swore to never speak of that incident again..."

He just continue talking, "And what about when you had to do Merrills quest with the mirror? and had to watch her kill her old mentor?"

At that, Spades gave him a dark and frightening glare, "You do _not _bring Merrill into this! Not my little elfy-wifey."

M.C shrugged and found the light switch, turning it on, both froze when their producers and monkeys jumped out of their hiding spot.

"Surprise!" everyone shouted.

But the two reviewers stared at them with slightly horrified looks.

"What's going on?" M.C asked tentatively.

ROM stepped forward towards his organic look-alike, "A party. For you two. In honor of getting half way through Twila."

Spades raised an eyebrow at this, "For _Twila?" _She asked confused, "Shouldn't you save this for a really bad story...like Mission from God?"

The group looked at each other, just now realizing that it would have been a better reward for the Mission from God story.

Rom gave them all a stare, "Who scheduled the party for this story?" He asked.

Slowly, the intern stepped forward, "I did..." He hesitated and trailed off.

"Alejandro Julio Ricardo Gallard de la Cruz!" Several employees shouted.

With a laugh, M.C walked towards the cart with the food and drinks, took himself one of the pops, Pepsi, his and Spades favorite, and a slice of cake before going to his seat.

"We do appreciate it, don't get us wrong," He told them and took a bite out of the cake, "This is delicious!"

Spades took a seat next to him, with a Pepsi and slice of cake too, after taking a bite of the cake she was quick to agree with M.C.

"Well, you two relax, eat the cake and do the review," ROM told them, patting both on the head gently before ushering everyone else out of the theater.

* * *

Chapter 7

AN: Flamers, back off.

**Never.**

Goths, thanks for the good reviews. Sorry that took so long to update! Okay, I was listening to Linkin Park and I started to overdose on pot, crack, marijuana, and coke,

**I'm pretty sure if you overdosed on all of those, you would be dead.**

and had to go to the hospital for a week lol.

**Yes, because OD is _very _funny.**

CHAPTER 7

The next day, I woke up in the morning and opened my icy, topaz eyes.

**You know, topaz has a variety of colors. We don't know which color her eyes really are. All we know is that they're a gemstone.**

**Her eyes are stones. Sounds legit.**

I was covered in blood. There was blood all over my bed.

**Okay, I think I know what happened. That time of month.**

My wrists had started cutting during the night while I was having nightmares.

**So you have an automatic response to nightmares to slit your wrists while your asleep?**

I moaned smexily and got in the shower, and all the blood swirled down in the drain,

**Should we question how she's alive after all the bloodloss?**

**Nope.**

like in that movie, Psycho. (get it? It's part of my name? By the way, if you don't like gory moves like that, then FUCK OFF!)

**I _hate _gory movies. No need to yell at us for it.**

**But the joke was shitty.**

I was sent the uniform for fucking Mt. St. Preps Academy

**So, you were sent a uniform so you can have sex with an academy. **

in the mail and I put it on suicidally.

**Explain how you do that.**

It was prep-pink with purple plaid and the skirt was really long, so I took a knife and cut the skirt really short.

**Watcha got against long skirts?!**

I also got a black Sharpie and colored the whole thing black.

**I'm pretty sure it would take a while.**

I put on a bunch of MCR pins on it, and some safety pins.

**That sounds _so _cool.**

***Rolls eyes* It sounds _so _stupid.**

I ripped the part of my shirt where my boobs were supposed to be, so you could see my lazy black bra.

**Bra! Don't be lazy!**

**I think Twila is a slut.**

I put up my long straight black hair in a messy thing with spikes all shooting out.

**A messy thing?**

**With spikes shooting out of it?**

I also put on some red eyeshadow with black glitter in it.

**Finally! The appearance description is over!**

When I got to the school, there were a million preps there.

**I doubt it.**

I started to cry gothically, and gave all of them the middle finger.

**Rude bitch is rude.**

I also realized that I was pregnant, so I screamed.

**And now everyone thinks she's a freak.**

All of the stupid preps got scared and ran to tattle on the teachers (who wore all pink).

**Pink. Meh.**

**I doubt it's tattling if they're going to tell the teachers your screaming. For all you know they're scared something's wrong with you.**

They all crowded around someone, gasping orgasmically and puzzled. I pushed through the crowded, giving them dirty looks, and I saw who they were staring at. It was...Edward!

**Dun...dun...duuun.**

"Oh my God, what the fuck are you doing here?" I shooted, and jumped into her arms.

**Edward is a girl now?**

All the teachers got scared and ran away while looking at his beauty from the distance.

_**Why **_**are they scared?!**

"Baby, I just couldn't keep going to that school without you, so I transferred here. That school is just full of preps now." He said, and started to sing "You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison" to me. I loved him.

**STOP With the singing!**

I knew that he would always be there for me.

"By the way, Twi, you're not preggers."

I couldn't believe it! He said that he had gotten me tested,

**How did she not know she got tested?**

and that I was not going to have a baby, apparently, anymore.

**Yep, you just got fat. Not Pregnant, just fat.**

"I'm so glad. L.O.L"

I was crying with joy. We ditched school, and dropped out as well. We smoked drugs outside, and vaporized alcohol so we could inhale it, because apparently that's easier than just drinking it.

**This kids, is why you don't ditch school**

**This kids, is why you don't behave like Twila.**

All the preps looked at us and wished they were as cool as us.

**Twila and Ed are not cool.**

Things were getting back to the way it used to be and-

**And?**

**And _what?_**

xxxEnd Chapxxx

Okay, sorry it was so short. I'm still in rehab from the incident,

**No shit.**

so I need to get better to write more of the good stuff. LOL bye.

**And are you going to get better? Nope! I doubt you're in rehab.**


	8. Chapter 8

Tila meets a new alley

**It's an alley that's located between Sweeney Todds barber shop, and Jason's house he bought for some reason.**

a/n: OKSU GUYZ PREPSTOP FLARMING! siruisly if u fink mi grammer iZ BAD DEN FUKK U BITCH!

**No thank you. I'm not into fucking pigs**

DIS TORY IS GONG 2 MAK ME FAMOOSE SUM DAY ND IT WILL B SOLD IN LIBARIES

**You don't sell books in libraries. Besides I'm pretty sure the author of Twilight can sue you if you publish this. And the general reading public will kill you.**

OK SO WNH I AM A MELLONAIR U BITCHEZ KAN CUM CLAWRING 2 ME ND I WILL SAY FUKK U OK!

**If you become a millionaire I'm going to murder you.**

disclainer: btw, TWILIGT does not belung 2 me, it is by serpantie millerz,

**Twilight doesn't belong to a Serpantie Millerz either.**

ok she wunt su me now.

**She still can if you publish it.**

PLZ ENJOY GOTHEZ, DANX FOR DA GUD COMMENX.

**You mean the comments you wrote to yourself?**

i am out of rebab soo

**Doubt you ever went.**

i will b able 2 updat more arugato! OH ND fanx 2 Rodriga for helping me wif da spanish!

**Spanish will be wrong.**

**Why does she even need to know Spanish for this?**

U WILL C WHAT I MEAN LOL x666x

**Lol-no.**

CHAPTER 8

"Twila . . . . . . . . . ."

I kicked and whismered in my sleep as da voice got louder and louder.

**I'd be curious as to who the fuck is in my house.**

I was sleeping in bed with Edward, but I don't think he heard it because he didn't say he heard it. Plus he was sleeping.

**Of course he didn't hear it.**

"TWILA, TILA!" said the voice screamingly. It sounded like an ugly old man,

**Oh, you're placing a self-insert in it?**

or it sounded like Midnite. I wazn't realli sure.

**Midnight sounds like an ugly old man?**

**She dead or alive?**

I opened my eyes, which were like endless pools of beautiyful topaz.

**We still don't know the color.**

I looked around in the dark, but since I was a vampir I could see in the dark (a/n vampirs can see in the dark).

**Depends on what version.**

I saw Ed next to me. His bornze hair was messy and sexah nd his pale skin glowed in the dark. He was silently singing "Da Hell Song" by sum-42 in his sleep.

**Do not bring that band into this.**

"Hoes there?" I crapped poisonally.

**There are sluts in her house, she just shitted in her bed, and apparently it's poisonous.**

**I'm not the least bit surprised.**

My long black hair whipped around me as I turned back and forth at da speed of light.

**Enjoy whiplash.**

I didn't c anyone there so I was fukking confused. I had on a silver nitegown with black linning, and blak lace all around da boobs.

***Huddles under seats* not another clothing description.**

I was wearing blak stilettos nd had on tons of eyeliner that I had made cat eyes out of.

**Your sleeping! why the fuck are you wearing stilettos and makeup?!**

Then the voice contunued to shout, "Cum to me Tila Beautifu Psyco Topaz Cullen. OPEN UR EYES TILA TEQUALA FOR IT IS ME!"

**Twila is an alcohol?**

**NO! Twila is not Tequila! Tranquilpaw is Tequila!**

"WHAT?!"! I shooted. "OK STOP FUKING AROND, WHO DA HELL IS ME?"

**You don't know who you are?**

**Not surprised.**

Then I looked next to my bed and saw hu was standing ther! It was. .. ... A MAN!

**Oh boy! A man! How vile!**

"What r u doing u effing pervert." I giggled foriously. "U now dat izn ot aportionate to b in a toung girlz rom?"

**Why is Edward there than?**

"Hahahaa. Si, but I c dat you are lovers wif mi enemios." He said in Spanish.

**Okay, enemios is not Spanish for enemy If he is going to speak Spanish, lets have it proper. MC! **

**Excuse me if I'm a little rusty, I only spoke Spanish for my Spanish classes, and last year was my last class.**

**Hahahaha! Si! Pero veo que usted está durmiendo con mi enemigo!**

Suddenly Ed woke up and growled all ruff nd tuff. He shined his gloriosus teeth in the mans face nd he was temporerily blinded for life.

**How is someone 'temporarily blinded for life'? It contradicts itself!**

"MY EYES!" the ugly man shotted. So I was right, it was an ugly man.

**You are a bitch.**

I got out of bed seducingly taking off my cloths.

**HAVE YOU NO DECENCY!?**

Edmard gasped all angry and sensative (a/n lol jealous hot bi guyz r so great)

**How is this meaning he's bi?**

becauz I was getting naked in front of a strangler.

**I would love to be a strangler to her. Then she would be dead and this would be over.**

A lot of other stuff happened

**Like Twila fucked the man.**

and den we found out that da mans name was James but becuz he is Spanish they call him like HAmez.

**Wait...JAMES?!**

**Since when was James Spanish!?**

We found this out because I bribed him wif my body.

**We were right. You are a slut.**

"I dont quero 2 kill tus," he said in spanfish.

**I don't even know.**

His parents were killed by vampirs nd he plowed 2 get revenge on humans becuz they didnt help him during his hard time afterwords. Nd he converted 2 an Atheist Sattanist nd learned Spanish beczu he had to move to da Purto Rico Repoblic 2 do his reserch and stuff.

**So he's not really Spanish. **

"I want a kill Tila because. . . . . . .. "

"I udderstand." I said stolenly.

**You understand he wants to kill you?**

"We kan help you wif dat." My hubby said he would do anything 2 make me happy.

**I don't know how helping James kill Twila will make Twila happy, but it sure as hell will make us happy.**

"Moo bien." sed Hamez.

**Usted es un gran culo jack.**

**Espero que tengas una muerte dolorosa.**

**Dolorosa?**

**Not _The _Dolorosa.**

"We start 2 plot her death at dawn. Hasta luigi until den."

**Don't bring Luigi into this.**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END DIS CHAPTER XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Yes! End this chapter!**

OK I INDUCED A NEW CRAKTER. PLZ MAK SURE UR KEPPING UP IF U WANT 2 KEEP READING, DIS STORI HAS A LOT MORE CHAPPERS PLANNED OKTHAX.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 - Betrayal, u will c what happens tho

**I don't think I want to see what happens.**

a/n: OMG SOZ I TOOK SO LUNG 2 UPDATE.

**We don't care if it took long.**

i kant realli say why but if u want tu know den msg me nd i'll tell u dat i had an emegency nd almost died from sallowing 5 bottles of aspirin lol.

**I fail to see how it's funny.**

**I fail to see how you're still alive.**

**And we don't need to message you to know since you just told us.**

LOL GUEZZ WHAT, TU ALL OF U PPL WHO SAY DAT IM DUMB, MI PSYCOLGY TEACHER TOLD ME 2 IGNORE U becuz ur just playing mind gamez 2 tri to make me fell bad abot miself.

**I'm sure if zhe saw this, zhe would say that you're dumb too.**

**Zhe?**

**I don't know if her teacher is a He or She, so it's a Zhe.**

i am not da losser in dis situaton!

**Until you learn to spell, you will be the loser in this situation.**

neway PREEPS STOP FLAMONG, gothz tanx for da good stuff, MCR ROX!11 666

***Pulls out knife* I'm ready to kill already and we have just finished the Authors Note.**

CHAPTER 9

Recap from Chapta 8:

**Great. A recap.**

"I want to kill Bella becuz ..."

**No. You said you wanted to kill Twila.**

"We kan help u wif dat." I said sexily.

**This is a bad recap.**  
"Muy bean." (C IS DAT SPELLED WRUNG.)'

**Yes. Yes it is. It's Muy Bien.**

"I'll c u at dawn"

**That would sound so much cooler if it wasn't in this story.**  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**FUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFU**

When I woke up again that morning I was ready to kill Bella.

**We don't even know why they're going to kill her.**

**Other than the author hates Bella because she's Edwards love interest.**

It was dawn and Hamez had packed all of da supplies for killing.

**What supplies would you need?**

Eddie woke up and opened his eyez which were the same as mine. We put on our makeup (he had on white foundation, black eyeliner, and dis fake blood stuff that goes on ur face.

**Fake blood stuff?**

**Are you guys dressing up for Halloween? **

i had on purple eyeshadow, lots of blakk, and drak lipstick.) Hamez tried to watch us get dressed but I told him that if he didn't fuck off I wouldn't help him kill that little bytch.

**We're going to kill you.**

So I didn't go 2 school but the preppy prinzipal was too scared to call nd ask why.

**You dropped out a few chapters ago.**

Ed didn't go eiver. I suddenly remebered Midnite

**Your sister whom you forgot existed after she went to the hospital.**

and knew she would want 2 be involved too but she was on her honeymoon with Jaspa who I had told to love her or else I waz never gong to talk to him agen.

**Well, he was forced into a marriage. Great.**

While we were leaving secretely to Bella's house, I got sad becuase Ed and I didn't have a honeymoon.

**No one gives a shit. That was your decision.**

I started to cut my rists a little on da way there and I saw dat Ed looked worried.

**Don't be worried.**

**She does this every time she doesn't feel horny.**

When we got there Hamez borke into the house and we went upstares to Bella's room. The whole thing was pink nd it reminded me of Roslyn's room.

**Obviously she didn't pay any attention to what Bellas room actually looks like.**

I storted 2 cry all hot and angsty because that's where I had caught her with my husband. I cut my rists some more but Hamez said "Shhh, we can't let her no we are at her casa."

**Come on Twila! Get your head in the motherfucking game!**

She was sleeping all preppy nd there were posters of Ed on her walls. I ran over and tore them down wif my long, black nails. She was dreaming abot Ed and he started to get angry becuz he hated her.

**How do you know what she's dreaming of?**

"Ok are u ready?" Hamez whimpered.

**Crybaby.**

"Here Tila you can take this sword. Eddie kan have the needle, itz full of cyanide." Well I was sad becuz I had alwez wanted to inject myself but I didn't say neithing because I knew they wuldnt understend.

**Selfish bitch.**

I storted to cry tears of blood and Ed gasped and started crying also with me.

"Don't tell me . . . . ." he screamed wif depths of depression and pain in his voice. "Dat ur SAD shes going 2 die?"

**How is Bella not waking up from all this?**

**Because the author is an idiot.**

"No you fukking retard. I'm sad because there are so many things dat I want in life but evry1 only cares about my bodi!"

**So fucking random.**

"It's not ur fault that u'r beautiful." He cried sexily hugging me.

**OH GET OUT OF THERE!**

**You're screwing up Hamez mission!**

Hamez got scared becuz we were being loud but Beela didn't wak up. Suddenly we killed her.

**Finally.**

"Thank satan she's gone." we all said in unicorn.

**Your in a unicorn?**

**Makes no sense.**

Her body disintergrated into her bed which was all wet with blood. We ate her bed

**Odd appetite. **

so there would be no evidenze (lol geddit like evinezenze.) And left before her mom could wake up.

**You mean her dad?**

When we got to da door there was someone blocking it suicidally. "CARLIZ?" we all scremed at once.

**And her dad hasn't woken up why?**

**Same reason Bella slept through their screaming.**

"Yes I can't take it anemore." he said breathing all crazy. He was looking at me! Edward put his hand around me like protection. "Why are u here dad? GET OUT." His eyes started 2 rage.

**"Edward! I can't take it anymore! YOUR WITH A FUCKING SLUT WHO SHOULDNT EXIST! We are moving! We are not letting you near her!"**

**"She has been screwing up our family since you met her!"**

"I'm here to take Tqila. I am gong to make her my bride. And we will live in da darkness forevamore hahaha!" he laughed evilly in a gothic voice that I suddenly realized was sexy.

**Great.**

Then I sterted to think.

"Wait now." I kommanded when Ed was about to kill Calile. DARKNEZZ FOREVERMORE?

**That isn't a word.**

**Just because your high doesn't mean you can make up words.**

I thought beginning to have a mind change. "Mebe that would be good for me you know? Because I need a vampir who can kepp me gothikally satisfied nd stuff."

**I feel bad for Ed now.**

EDWARD WAS HEARTBORKEN. He satired to scream at the top of his lungs as black venemoos blood poured out of him.

**Ew.**

**Yet Bella's dad isn't waking up.**

When a vampere gets ejected by da person that they truly love, there body storts to spazz all explosing like.

**Quit making shit up!**

I was misterious so I didn't let you know what was gong on in my thoughts lol.

**Oh we know whats going on in your thoughts, sex.**

"Yeh dat sounds like a plain." I said sullenly joyfully to Carlise. He was surmised that someone like me would want to be with him. Everyone in the room screamed in surprise.

**Oh shut up!**

"Plz plz just tell me what I did to make you want do leave me." said Ed having an ellipictic sezre on the floor.

**You became so out of character.**

But I didn't say anything still even though he was crying all too sensitive.

**Ugh.**

"Ok." I finally gasped at Hamez. "Please just go along wif this. You'll see da true intestions of my plan soon." And I made him take Ed away. And then I went with Carl who was like "I'm so glad that u've made such a good choice," cackling all satanikally.

**Shut up. Please shut up.**

We went 2 his house (STFU WE DIDNT EVEN DO ANTHING YET U FREAKIN PERVS.)

**Have you forgotten he's married?**

And I knew what I had to do.

**Kill yourself and bring balance to the world?**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - Visionz of da antikrost

**Whats an Antikrost?**

**Krost's evil clone?**

**Who's Krost?**

a/n: ok guyz, i no u hav all binwaden 4 mi updats butt

**We haven't been waiting for your updates.**

**And we haven't been waiting for your butt.**

i waz on tour wif FALLOUTBOYY becuz dey red mi story nd invited me 2 come wif them nd it wa relly kool!111

**I. Call Bullshit.**

**So many things wrong with that sentence. There is no way in Hell that any band would want to hang out with you!**

YAH B JELOOZ! OK MCR AND FLLOUTBOYS ROCK! 666!

**I don't care much for MCR but I do love Fall Out Boy.**

***Starts singing The Phoenix* **

CHAPTER 10

**Just four chapters left I think.**

***Checks site* Yeah, four chapters left.**

"So kan u plez tell me for why u decided 2 grace me with ur presenze." said Carli smiling.

**Who's Carli?**

I noticed how sexah he looked wif his violet contacts in. He loked like an older, hotter vision of Edward and Pete Wints.

**...Carlisle looks nothing like Edward.**

He was werring blak eyelinear that was gong down his face from da last time he cryed.

**Learn to get waterproof eyeliner.**

"Ur son has taken advantege of me to many times." I growled staring at him all gothik.

**Edward is just playing his mindgames with her.**

Soddenly my vision when blak nd all I could c was blakness.

**Thanks for the Redundancy.**

i screAMED AND SCREMED becauz idid nt know what was happiening. Then I saw a vision of da antikrist nd i laughed dark and suicidally.

**This chapter...**

**Little sense it makes.**

"Twila, I just read youre mind." shouted Calisi.

**Carlisle! That's Edwards power not yours!**

No i said "becuse I just saw da anticirst?"

**I don't know if she just said that or the author just put the quotation marks in the wrong part.**

"Yes, my tru form is Satan." He describd. "Dat was me gonig into your thoghts and I saw the tru reazon why u came here with me."

**So, Carlisle is Satan.**

**Logic denied.**

"Let me just tell u." I said sobbing becuz he had figered me out.

**It's not hard to do.**

"I kame here becuz... . . . .."

"Because you wanted to make Edwat jealos." He said

**This girl is shitty.**

and I storted to cry. "How did u know?" I asked all deprezzed. He sed, "Becauz i just rad your mind"

**He said that three times now.**  
Then all suddenly somebody knocked on Carlo's door. He lokked at me sadly nd opened da door and some gurl I didn't know jumped in.

**Random appearance?**

"What is dis. Why r u here?" we both asked the girl. She was realli ugly and twolve yerz old

**Rude!**

nd was wearing a pink Kelly Klorkson shirt nd had frizzie blond hair nd an ugly face. "HAI GUYS MI NAME IS FIONA!" she scremed giggling nd walked into the house

**GO FIONA! **

**It's your destiny! Kill the vampires!**

but Carlisa pushed her back out. "But u kan call me FIONAFIONA32."

**Oh, I see what's going on here.**

**The author dragged someone who was flaming her story into the story to kill.**

"Ew get da fukk out of here!" I shooted. "OMGZ ur such a prep." Me and Calri were both disgosted nd suddenly Edwoard appeared and bit her neck nd she stated to screm and bleed.

**See.**

**This author is a bitch. I hate when people just bring in flamers only to kill them in the story.**

I was sobbing becuz bleeding waz my gratest desire

**Just wait until that certain time of the month. You'll start bleeding.**

but my doktor sed if i cut miself anymroe I would die

**You're a vampire. I don't think you can die by cutting yourself.**

nd Edard would be sad. Anyway, Fona died on the flor and her body shirveled up and rotted away. Edward came in and got in a stand-off wiv his dad.

**Damn it. Someone bring in Deathheart.**

**Or Ancient. One of them will kill them all.**

"Plz plz stop." I said still crying. They were both killing each other nd their makup waz running down the faces. "I'm soz Ed. I didn't mean 2 hurt you I just wanted you to be jealuz. I doon't want to be with ur dad, kan u please take me home."

**"No! You are a bitch! I don't want to be around you anymore! Screw you I'm going back to Bella! At least she's normal."**

Edward was so relived but Carlise was crying angrily and he storted to transform. "NO!11" he yelled. "Nobody kan reject Satan. DO U HEAR ME TILA, I AM STAN!1"

**Hi Stan!**

**Don't you have a wife? And two kids?**

**And a talking fish and alien?**

"Yah I know." I said roling my eyez. But he kame running at me and I kicked him and he feel over moaning.

**Wimp.**

Me and Ed left him there and walked out helding handz while "Thnx fr da MEMRS" played in the bakkground (a/n FAGG OT BOY FUKKING ROKKS!1 IF U DUNT LIK DEM THEN GO KILL URSELF FUKK U! FALLOT BOY 4EVA)

**For fucks sake! Just because people don't share your interest you don't need to scream at them!**

. I had an invasion in my head

**What? Were the maggots finally invading your head to get to that pile of rotten mush that used to be your brain?**

sudenly while we where walking of da Antikrist saying "This is not over Twila, this weil never be over. Bitch"

**Go A.K**

But I blooked it out becuz I knew I was stronger dan him.

**Pfft...yeah. _Right._**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END CHAP10 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 - The misteriouz pakt

**What is this pact they speak of?**

**I see no pack.**

a/n: HAM EVRY1

**I love ham!**

ITZ BEEN 4EVAR!1 my mom trid to make me wear a drezz n i had a tanttrum n brok da computer n slit muh ritz.

**...wow...overreaction much? I had to wear a dress for my Church confirmation, I didn't like it but I didn't throw a fit.**

but no we got a new one lolz?

**Not funny.**

neway TONX FOR DA REVEWS WHILE I WAZ GONE, FUKK ALL U PREPS WHO HATE MI STORI!

**According to her, we're preps. According to Sara we're Liberals. Which are we?**

I SWERE ILL GET SATAN TO KILL U IN UR SLEEP U FUKKING POZERS!

**Good luck. We have a sort of...understanding...how do you think I got Demon Mode?**

666 XXX MCR STILL ROX!11 XXX

**Nope.**

CHAPTER 11

The next day I was walking 2 Hot Tonic

**Is this some sort of tonic store?**

wif Edward. When suddenly out of nowhere Hamez appered out of da blue.

**Sup James.**

"Hi," we said gothically. But he looked very angery for some raisin.

**He's angry for some raisin. Give him some raisin.**

"Would you mind if I killed you," he storted to sing from dat song by Withen Temptortion.

**I don't mind.**

**Go right ahead.**

"OMG STOP!111" Edward screamed jumping in front of me. I was so confuzed becuz I did nut know what was going on.

**He just said what he wanted to do.**

Then I realized Hamez was trying to kill us.

**OMFE *Facepalm* She is an idiot.**

"Why would u do such a thing you- you sick dirtbag!"

**Oh, if he kills you he's a sick dirtbag? I guess you're one too.**

I cried wearing a long black satan skirt wif black leather boots and a ripped fishnet ponchu over a black velvet bra with red skullz. Mi makup was ruining down my pale pale face. BECUZ I WAS WEEPIGN.

**No one gives a shit.**

"Now that Bellar is dead I don't ned your help." Hamez said as he also sobbed. "I don't want 2 do this but I have to. I'm afroid that . . . . . . . . . . . ."

**Don't say that he loves her too.**

"I DARE U TO FINNISH THAT SENTENCE." Edmond muttered at the top of his lungz.

**How do you mutter at the top of your lungs?**

**Don't know.**

He turned into a bat and flew at Hamez but Victor leaped in front of him.

**VICTORIA! CRUSH KILL DESTROY!**

**SWAG!**

"Who are you?!" we all screamed exempt Hamez becuz she was his gf.

**Victoria you will forever be awesome if you kill them.**

She had jumped out of da trees. Then we decided 2 make up because we had no reason to fight (A/N maybe later u will find out what hamez was goona say be4 lolol.)

**Fuck. you.**

Vikroya was wearing a realli sexah outfit and Edward saw me looking at her and got realli jealouuz.

**So she's a lesbian?**

**We review one story where the author is homophobic, and another who just adores every sexuality but heterosexual it seems.**

He storted 2 make out wif Hamez to get bakk at me.

**Because that _always _works**

"Oh no WHAT HAVE U DONE, OMG YOU FREAKING ARSE." Vikky shooted at my busband. "You just entered da pakt with Hamez."

**What?**

That was when we found out dat whenever someone kissez Hamez they get binded to him for da rest of eternity. "WTF that's so random." I laffed satanically.

**That _is _random.**

Edward looked realli scarered but I just said "It's okay, I like bi guyz so you can be with him too."

**Uh, it's still cheating on her though.**

Vikky disappered becuz she was mad that Edward stole her boyfreend.

**Don't blame you.**

Then me, Edward and Hamez had to preform a special marriage cermoney for the 3 of us to all be together.

**Threesome?**

**Threesome.**

We all wore lots of black. "That is all." said Hamez looking at me flirty. "Now we have 2 seal the pact by dranking sum blood."

**Sum blood, different than regular blood as it is the blood of math.**

We all had an orgay nd went out to hunt. We found a whorewolf und were about 2 kill it when I relized it was Jakob. He changed back into a person and I gasped. His long blak hair

**He cut his hair when he became a werewolf, remember?**

had purple and silver streakz in it, his skin was ten shads lighter,

**So...he's white now? _Great..._**

and he was wering an Alezana tshirt wif tight blak pantz.

**I will remind you something: The werewolves are basically naked when they transform. He's not wearing any clothes.**

"Omg Jake, um." I said shy and sexy. "Hi u look realli good?"

**You already got two husbands now. Going after the werewolf huh.**

"Thanx i got a new style" he said and looked at all of us. "Since you killed my dad I got real hordcore. Hey guyz can I join ur pakt.

**They killed your DAD**

We had a sekret goffic huddle nd thout about it but they got angry and said no.

**Not that secret.**

Jakob storted to cry becuz we had killed his dad and now we owed him. But Vikatora rolled her eyez, "Yea thatz karma" she pissed.

**You three will die.**

**Very painfully by a the demons of rage and fire.**

But then he turned back in2 a wolf and tried to attack us. I turned into a bat and flew out of tha way but Hamez waz too slow. I screamed suicidally as Jakabob was about to tear apart Hamz who suddenly shooted "IF I DIE THEN U ALL DIE, REMEMBER DA PAKT WE ARE TOGETHER 4 EVER." We were all horrorfied at dis.

**So, we just have to kill Hamez. Easy enough.**

So we had to save him but we got all cut up but Edward said "Its okay Twi, you look exy with blood on you." So we ran away and Jake got lost in the woods.

**Ugh.**

**Double Ugh.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Welcome back to Twila da-**

**Check out A New Era!**

**...**

**What? There isn't any rule against advertising my new story.**

**True. Fine. But Welcome back to Twila. We're posting the last three chapters all together now.**

Chapter 12 - One, PS DIS IZ NOT DA LAST CHAP

**Sadly, it isn't.**

a/n: ok r u redy 4 more?

**Nope.**

becuz sum certain bitch prepz were comploining i got more editars ok!

**Wait...you got _more? _Implying you already _had _some editors?!**

**Your editors suck.**

1 GET OVER IT!

**Let me think-nope.**

dansk 2 everyon hu lieks it! kep reding LOL GOFFS RULE FOREVER.

CHAPTER 12

Four days past and I relized that I didn't love Edwart anymore.

**Wow. Why not? Any reasons?**

I couldn't beleve it miself.

**I couldn't believe it when I found out that I had actually grown _fond _of Spades. So I know how you feel.**

**Hey!**

I woke up in da morning wif black tearz of deep sorrowfull endless evol depression all crying down mah face.

**Very descriptive tears.**

I put on some Metalika musik nd cut rist.

**Don't bring that band into this!**

"Twila are u in there?" someone whimpered from outside my room.

**Oh, another pansy of a boy.**

I gasped. It sounded like Ed. But I just turned up the song and sang allong 2 it, screming "HOLD MI BREATH AS I WISH 4 DETH, OH PLEASE SATAN, WAKE ME" (a/n arent dose lyricz so menengful.)

**...**

**...Sure? You got the lyrics wrong though. **

"OH FUKKIN SATAN NO WHAT R U DOING IN THAR!1111" Edward exploded crying becaus he knew what this meant. He knew that I didn't want to c him because I had fallen out of love.

**Wow, so dramatic. Seriously, does anyone get this worked up when they don't love someone anymore? Obviously she still loves or she wouldn't be _this _upset over this.**

"Darkness imprizoning me," I wept sadly. "All that I see- absulote HORROR I KANNOT LIVE- I KANNOT DIE!"

**Please stop, I like Metallica, and you're ruining them here.**

Sullenly the door broke down and a bunch of people kame in. It waz all da Cullens who were still alive n Jake (he had found hiz way out of da woods). They all storted to pin my hot body down so I could nut move.

"WTF ARE YOU DOING ASSHOLES." I shrieked. My rists were bleding everywhere. "NOW THE WORLD IS GONE ND I'M JUST ONE, OH SATAN HELP ME."

**WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGING?!**

**She's a vampire, it's not like she can die from slit wrists or anything. Seriously, does she forget that the bitch is a vampire and apply HUMAN things to her?!**

They turned off da musik nd I fainted. "You can't do this Twi." They looked all serious. "Remember the pakt is that if you die, we all die." I woke up and asked "Yeah. But isn't the pakt just me Ed Hamez and Victory. What's gong on?"

**OH GOD! Now they all will actually die if she does?!**

"We all entered da pakt by making out wif Hamez." They said nodding. I gasped again. "And Twila, u can't deny ur felines for Ed."

**Can I borrow your pipe? *Takes MC's iron pipe and smashes it against computer***

"I know lol," I promised. "I fink it was just a fase I just went thru."

**Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! **

But then Carloyle stepped forward looking at me all weird. "Nu," he laughed darkly. "I told u it wasn't over Twila Beautiful Psycho Topaz Sad'ness Damian Cullen. I was trying to make you not love my son wif my powerz so you would kome back to me."

**So, Carlisle has love powers.**

"Well letz celebrate." Jake screamed. "Twila doesn't want you Carl. You need to get over it."

**Just like you need to get over Bella not wanting you.**

**To be fair, she did kind of play around with both boys.**

"You really seem to understnad me?" Carlisse froned confusedly at Jake. "No one has ever realli understood me."

**How is telling him to get over it translate to 'understanding' him?**

**Is this going to be Jake X Carlisle?! WHAT ABOUT ESME?! CARLISLE WIFE?!**

So we all went to Vegass and had a party and came back to Washerton. Carlile and Jake got marred there.

**Carlisle is already married.**

**TO ESME!**

Then Jake died sadly in an axident so Carliel got remared to Esmie.

**I don't feel bad for Jake. **

**OH MY ENKINDLERS! ESME! I FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU!**

"Twila this place isn't safe." Edward told me that nite.

**No, really?**

"Did u see what happened to Jake, we need to go someplace safer.

**We don't even know what kind of accident it was.**

**Was it a car wreck?! A plane?! Falling down a ladder?!**

I know a safe place for vampirs it's called Black Cavern of Bloody Despair."

**Wow. _So _Gothic!**

"Den letz leave at dawn." I said

**"We leave at dawn!"**

staring at him deeply wif my eyes. "We kan start a new goffic life."

"Okay he said."

xXxXxXxXxXxXxX END xXxXxXxXxXxXxX

**If only it was.**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 - deathz

**Our favorite thing.**

**So long as its the Mary Sue that dies.**

A/N: i will sat it agan I AM NOT TARA GLESBIE.

**Nope, you're just a cheap knock off copy cat who wants to be like her.**

if u fukters think im her ur WRUNG.

**We don't think you're her.**

nd i dont need ne gramamar lezzonz ok ppl.

**You need SPELLING lessons.**

**And grammar lessons.**

I HOPE STAN KILLZ ALL U FLAMMERS IN UR SLEEP!

**I'm not afraid of Stan.**

**And again, me and Satan got a bit of an understanding, remember, Demon Mode? **

fangzez 4 de revevs! u rok! o and thanx 2 xoxblakxspanishxrosexox 4 helpin wit da spaniish!

**Oh Enkindlers?! More Spanish!?**

CHAPTER 13

I woke up the next mourning (geddit cuz goffz mourn stuff lol)

**Get a better sense of humor. Your jokes suck.**

in Edwad's arms. I asked were wer were going and he reminded me that it waz Black Kavern of Bloody Despair. "O yeah," I snofjejd.

**Twila. Is. An. Idiot.**

**snorfjejd? The Hell? **

When we got to the place it was covered in goffik desines.

It was in the middle of Washintong of which noone had evar been to (c i can rite prooperly).

**No one had ever been to Washington before? **

The opening to da cavern was all dark and scray but I was nut scared becuz I'm goff and were used to dat kinda fing. We turnd in2 batz and flew insid nd saw a looong passegway. We flew there. At the end I saw sumone... farmer liar.

**A Farmer Liar?**

It wuz... . . . . ... ... . . . . . . . . . . . . . HAMZ!

"OH MY SATAN" I scromed. "HOW DID U GET HERE U LITTLE BASTERT?"

**I drove.**

"Yo no kreo dis." He said spanishly

**...What?**

. His eyez glowed in the dark. "U try to eskape from me butt you r muy stupedo."

**...She sucks at Espanol.**

**How was it an escape attempt?**

"NO!1111"

Suddenly Hamez storted foamming at da mouth.

**Back away! He has rabies!**

Befor me and Ed could do nething, he chraged foward and stuck his claws in us. We died.

**Holy Shit! They're dead?! YES! FUCK YES! *Jumps up and down* YES! *Realizes what he's doing and stops* er, I mean, great! Finally. About time they died.**

"Are we dead?" Ed said crying as blak maskara ran don his face. Suddenly we were...

"GHOST VAMPIRS!111" I shooted. "OMG HAMZ U TURND US INTO GHOST VAMPIZ WTF?"

**You can't be both. So you're a ghost.**

And then a hunderd other peoplez were there. "Why r all these ppl sodenly also dead?" we whimpered.

"We were all in the pakt, secrtly." they said all ghosty. "Hemez made oot with all of us" (a/n hez a slut lololl iznt dat soo hot).

**Yeah...being a whore is _so _hot. Way to go Twila, you just committed genocide. **

"Lizten Twila!" Edward insisited. "Do u know what dis menz?"

"Fuk you." I said all angry becos obviosly I didn ot.

**Way to be tempermental.**

So he explanned "This is what we wanted allolong. To die, becuz life is just painful deprezzion and suffering, itz just one damn thing after anothea."

**How did you die? You're vampires!**

"That's true..." I filled my eyez with tears. "Everythin will b so much better now."

"SILENCIO!1" Hamez interbopted. The cavern shok wif his rage. "How dare u be happy? You- FOOLS!" He rised up in the air menencingely. All these blak stuff kame swirling arond him and all the other ghostz that got killed becoz of the pact ran away. Hamez yielled, "ALL UR HAPPINESS BELONG 2 ME!"

**"ALL YOUR BASE BELONG TO ME!"**

"Wait." Ed quietly shooted. "Thatz it isnt it?" I looked at him all confuzed. Suddenly he storted to sing The Horrer Of Our Luv by Lodo.

**QUIT SINGING! THIS IS NOT GLEE YOU FUCKING BITCH!**

"That waz muy bonita." Hamz sniffd. "U truly understnad... all dis time, I just want 2 be happy and loved. Now I kan go 2 hell in peace." Then his soul disappered.

**The fuck?!**

**The hell is going on?!**

"He was jelooz of us lol" i nodded. "Neway letz check out da cavern." So I put on a flowning blak gown with ripz all over it nd a blak corset wif lace, blak hiheelz, red fishnet on mah arms, nd lots of makeup. Everthin looked even kooler becuz I was a ghost. Edwardz bronze haire had turned blak when he died and now he waz wering a blak MCR tuxido.

***Slams face against desk***

"Yes, letz check out ... . .. . . .our new home."

**Yep, now go to Hell.**

2 BE CONTINUD IN DA NEXT CHAP

LOL I BET U CANT BELIV IT RITE?

**I can believe that you're so arrogant about this.**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 - twila realizez something

**"- About how she is such a complete and utter idiot and needs to just die, permanently,"**

A/N: hey gays lololol!

**...That's the best you got?**

r u redy for omor chapta! i ben working on dis 4 a rilly longtim nd mad sur all de gramma iz gud.

**Obviously not.**

***looks at how short this is* You've been working on this for a long time? I call bullshit.**

plus i notisd dat ppl r already makin mouvies outa mi stroy on youtube omfg!

**The fuck they are?!**

**And I thought _I _was fucked up. What is youtube thinking?! Don't they know it's just making her more arrogant!**

datz so punk rok lol. anthrax for de good revows ok! MCR ROX 666

**Oh god, just shut up.**

CHAPTER 14

After we died, me and Edward stood at the end of the passageway in the Black Cavern of Bloody Dezpair.

**Why are you still going there?**

**You're dead. Remember?**

Then we went. I was extremely exited at the idea of living with more vampz.

**Because living with the Cullen coven wasn't living with other vampires. **

So I said. "This is so amazing," lol. "Hamez is gone, no more school, plus we can make new friendz. And I got to meet Dita von Trees!"

**How do you know they'll accept you?**

"Yeah" Edward said sobbing.

**Why are you crying?**

**Did you realize the shitty story you were in?**

Then ... . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . .

**Cue the shitty dramatic pause.**

I REALIZED SOMETHING.

**You realize what a horrible story this was?**

2 BE CONTINUED

**Never.**

**Actually, he's right, there isn't any chapters after this.**

END OF CHAP 14 X

**And this story.**

**THANK GOD!**

Ok maybe its a little shrot

**A _little?!_**

**It was like 200 words!**

but de next one will b real fuckin long

**Yeah. Right.**

but Swooney Toad just came on tv so i hav to watch it bye.

**Swooney Toad? Yeah? Bet it has nothing on Sweeny Todd.**

**Sweeney Todd is boss.**

* * *

"Oh my God! It's finally done!" M.C yawned as he stretched and stood up. He flinched when a chair when flying past him, ripping into the screen. Spades had a savage smile on her face as she glared, holding on to a new chair to throw too.

When she noticed the look M.C was giving her, she gave a laugh, "What? they'll fix it by the time we do our Super Smash Bro's chapter."

The smaller boy shrugged, "True, okay, go ahead."

With a maniac laugh, Spades threw the other chair into the screen and ran up to it. She proceeded to rip the screen completely apart, laughing like a madwoman.

M.C just leaned back with a neutral expression than sighed, "Eh, looks like we got one story done. What story are we doing next?" he asked.

In response, a chute opened up above him and a pile of papers fell on him, burying him under the white objects. All papers had the name of a story they might review.

"You asked," Spades laughed.


End file.
